College has so far been a test in every quality I lack.
I believe this is being done for a higher purpose, but that still doesn't help the ill will that inevitably follows when you are once again being forced to be a doormat, or simply to lazy to stand up for one's self. I believe I'm a nice mixture of the two, confrontation takes to much energy, but simply allowing it happen pisses me off to the nth degree. But I digress...
It's only been two weeks, today being the start of the third. I'm ready to destroy something, I'm to the point where if a confrontation happens I'm not going to back down from it. I may regret the consequences, but there's got to be a line somewhere, right?
My roommate, my darling new roommate, seems to believe the world revolves around her wants and needs. Nevermind that I may have feelings, nevermind that I can almost guarantee my financial situation is a shitload worse than yours, hon. Let me tell you a little thing about life: one of these days your going to be stuck with someone that ten or so at night will tell you STFU and smash your phone into the wall, one of these days your going to be stuck with someone that could care less about your complete and utter bullshit of a lifestory because somebody turned up the melodrama way way up and nobody's ever bothered to turn it back down for you. I have a lovely little tidbit to share: no one gives a rat's ass about your relationship issues or lack thereof. No one. Not me, not anyone else. We pretend we're listening only so that when you do realize that you're annoying us, and get mad at us for it: you're going to feel like a complete and utter douchebag when you decide to get "justice."
I get you had a hard childhood, really, I had one too. And when someone decides that sucky childhood are the topic for the day, I will contribute simply because I want everyone to see that I may have a sob story, but I don't want your fucking pity. I don't want to learn lessons via others' stories.
There's a lesson here to be learned too, sweetheart: people are full of crap. That doesn't exclude me or you, but I'm able to admit it. Just because you've read a couple books doesn't make an expert, just because you have a boyfriend doesn't make you the all-knowing councilor of successful and unsuccessful relationships. It simply means your still thinking that this is highschool. Because back in highschool people cared, people cared because they knew everyone involved in these elaborate dramas we create to keep ourselves entertained and otherwise engaged from dwelling on the total worthlessness of everything we do.
I'm ranting because I'm pissed. Because you have the audacity, the gall, to tell me that you don't like the truth and would you please delete from the public view? Listen, honey, I did as you asked because I've gotta live with you for God only knows how much longer, and I don't want to deal with your immature cold shoulders and icy glances. It's cold enough with AC on as it is.
You locked me out, you should've known I wasn't back yet, I bet you even saw my purse and thought to yourself: oh, I bet she's still in the shower. Even if you somehow simply forgot about all the evidence that I'd left to make sure you knew I hadn't disappeared yet, and locked it on accident, you could've gone back an unlocked it. No, this morning my being late to class was your fault, my having to wander around the dorm in nothing but an effing towel was your fault. You asked, I told, and suddenly knowing that my misfortune was your fault, without apologizing profusely (which it is so totally too late for) to me for being a total bitch about every little thing from the AC to food to boys to my own opinions about the world. You're a heathen, and yes, you do dress like a hooker, I'm just nice. Put a fucking jacket on and grab a blanket, maybe if you actually wore clothes you wouldn't be so cold all the time?!
I'm sitting here writing this in all my foul-mouthed glory because I know that if I say one (I'm starting to feel bad about dropping the f-bomb so much) word about it, you're going to glare at me and stick your nose in the air and decide that I'm just all sorts of ridiculous, me and my Southern ways.
You won't manipulate me, the hell I'm going to let you decide who my friends are and who I can hang out with. You may be possessive, but I'm a whole lot more determined. I'd like to live out the rest of my freshmen year here in a civil and peaceful way, no wars, no tears, no hurt feelings, no gutting with a wooden spoon. But I swear, if you keep it up, darling, we're gonna have some issues, and I'm going to be the one that wins this battle.
So suck it up, and get over yourself.
Panda out.
No comments:
Post a Comment