I Feel Like A Zombie

Ugh...
Is it wrong that I don't wanna finish my dumb paper yet? Despite it being due in a couple of hours...I hate english....really it's more old literature. None of its interesting. Where's the love? Where're the dragons? Unicorns? Wizards? Angst?! The Squire is such a goody-two-shoes...well, aside from his sudden interest in incestual relations...whatever.

I'm so tired. I actually put forth effort into the drawing I just did of him. Shocking, I know. And I'd have much rather worked on something else. Or watched NCIS, because I cannot get enough of that show. OMG! fer realz. Also, I WANNA BE KEVIN BACON! That way I can do logitech commercials about myself. <3

Crazy Lauren was at the Library on Saturday when me and Bekka went to make the Lego House of Christmas Amazing. It would've been more fun with her, but ya know, whatever.


VASE is looming closer, and I still don't have a piece...in either class. I'm several pieces short in art, and of all the classes to be making a B in, Art is NOT one of them. So I'm trying to fix this. Quality AND Quantity is bit much for me, I won't lie. I normally give one or the other. However in this case, my life depends on it. I'm so ready for graduation already. I'm tired of homework, and I'm tired of not knowing a boy that doesn't already have a girlfriend except the one that I do know that I do not like. He's okay, but I've seen dried paint have more of a personality. No offense, I mean that in the most affectionate way possible. I enjoy myself around him sometimes...but mostly, no. He's just too normal, and I'm pretty sure by now he thinks I'm a heathen. I am, I'm not denying that, it's just I do believe the shock of realizing that I am a little harder to handle than your average girl...I have a brain! (AND a PERSONALITY! Go figure! Penguins only come in BLACK AND WHITE! Not rainbow colors. Moron.)

Also...I'm really contemplating cutting my hair. Not now, graduation sounds fairly nice though. But everyone at school wants to see it in person when it gets cut...not that I have any qualms with that. And I realize everyone reading this will ask, "BUT MIRANDA! What about your dream of cosplaying as May from Guilty Gear and using your REAL hair?!" To which I answer, there is no way my hair would look that great going through that hat. It would look dumb. The more I think about it, the cuter it is to have shorter hair. That way, I can go as Yuffie, Sakura, and several others. And if I need long hair again, I'll buy a wig. It's less time consuming.

Although, I still want that costume. Just saying. Not that I'm getting it, because evidently my money needs to be saved so as to get into college. Who'd a thought?

It's also cold in the livingroom, and my nose is freezing, and I fear it may fall off, and then I'd be noseless like that one guy from Tales from the Crypt, where he turned back the odometers on old cars and sold them like they were new and so he got his nose cut off as punishment for his crime...NO NOSE! AUGH! Friggin chiller channel...

I haven't gotten any farther in my story, well, okay, a little farther, but I still can't seem to go in chronological order. I'm also behind on fanfiction, especially with a new archive to write for. I need to finish my Yuffentine, Ryro, and Rogan fics before working Gabby or Squiffie. I already lost my beta job...(which made me feel like such a failure, btw. I won't even lie. But she still talks to me, so that made it better.)

Know what sucks? This guy that one of my friends is going out with (it's a long distance relationship) is the sweetest thing known to mankind, I swear he's the male version of me (or as close as you could get, seeing as how having a y-chromosome would a damper on most of my amazingess.) And I may just be a little jealous of him. Because he treats her like a princess, but not the syrupy ick sort of way. It's still sweet and sugary and corny and cheesy, etc. But it's with a different sort of feeling behind it. It's not seriousness like the guy I know that's persuing me (I'll give that his tenacity is enviable). He's also very musical, I called him because I was bored and he told me to, and he gave me a small serenade (including electric guitar solo) with lyrics. It was so cool! And he likes Doctor Who and Star Wars, while I know his girlfriend isn't a fan of either...but I suppose that's the whole 'opposites attract thing'.

I don't know what the heck I'm gonna do for prom.
I do know that without a date, I'm not gonna be happy panda.
And that means I'll be pissy and upset and feel all sorts of tree rot bubbling up inside.

Oh, btw, the guy that I know (Tyler? Yah, him.) We're giving him a codename. His name is now Green Lantern. Because he's boring. As is Green Lantern, because he's not a super hero: his ring is.
But anyways...he's an okay friend, but I wish he'd give up. It makes me angry, and I hate the fact that he casually throws comments like that out when he's being serious about them. If I thought he was just teasing or something, that's one thing. I can handle that. I spend most of my life with that. I mean seriously, PUBLIC SCHOOL, you don't have hormones and NOT do that. It's just a fact of life.
Either way. He's too serious about everything. He's so...structured. He didn't seem to appreciate the Penny Arcade comics I showed him, nor did he seem very amused by my, I'll give you cheesy and inappropriate (and mildly uncalled for) joke about Bellatrix being easy if you're Voldemort (But I mean, c'mon. She would be!)
That's life, I suppose. I'm just looking forward to Christmas break, and also I'd like to see Tangled.

I'd also like to see Burlesque, but that request doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon. (Have you listened to that soundtrack?! DOOD! Best. Thing. EVAR!)

Well, it is nearing midnight, and I still have not finished that paper that I was talking about earlier on about my pilgrim. So I'll be closing this up, now.

Sleep well, kiddies!
Panda out.

If you feel so walked on, so painful, so pissed off.

Gawd, I love that emo song.
It's just so angry. It makes me feel just a little bit better about life.
=D

No, but seriously, today, I'm not sure what happened.
So, this girl, the one I hate with ever loathing passion that I hope gets hit by a bus drived by yours truely--yea, her. Well, her and that asshole of a boyfriend she has, rather had, have broken up. Evidently, he's even more of an asshole than I thought. Not only did they break up, but he still wants to be friends. Says he still loves her and wants her in his life, but not in a romantic sense. Whatever. I'd tell'im to piss off. Which is possibly why I remain single. However, that's not the point. THe point is: I felt sorry for her. Like legitimate sympathy. She had a freakin' baby with him! I mean, sure, yes, I've continuously called her a whore, but really, she (from all accounts, and I hate myself a little for saying this) really cared about him. I'm not calling it love. I'm sorry, we're all still in highschool. Love doesn't exist for us, yet. But I'll admit to a certain extent of caring in more than a platonic sense.
She thought they were going to be together forever. Legitimately had decided that at some point they were going to get married have a legit babies. She's been through pregnancy, and whispers, and all sorts of things just for him. She's given him everything she's got to give. And what does he do?
Treats her like shit. Treats her as if she's nothing more than a toy he's gotten bored with. He'd still like it to sit on the shelf and look pretty and awesome, but he doesn't really wanna play with it anymore. What a ho. Honestly, he disgusts me more than she ever could. He's just screwing around with her now (pun intended. Ask me if I care that it's in bad taste. Go ahead. I dare you.). So yea.
But what makes me so upset--is that I felt so sorry for her, that I couldn't find it in me to be happy about it. Her life is absolutely wrecked. There's nothing left to it. She is a broken and fallen woman. She won't recover unless they get back together.
She actually did fall on her face...and she didn't get back up this time.
And I feel awful for her. And it's infuriating!
I actually had the notion to hug her and tell her it would be okay.
WHAT. THE. HELL.
Seriously.
Just no.

So I'm furious, but not with her, furious more really with that asshole that calls himself a good person. The audacity of some people. The y-chromosome makes people so DUMB! Ugh.

So yea. And yet, some part of me that wasn't very loud, was mildly upset that she wasn't crying. She should've. I would've. I did, and I wasn't even in as deep as she was. I take comfort that her eyes were sort of red and puffy when she told me. If anyone suggests it was allergies, I'm going to falcon punch them. Just saying.

Also: I'm tired. And I'm being worked to death, and am also underpaid. I'm only complaining because it won't reach the employer's ears. Especially since my employer doesn't know who the heck I am considering we've never met. Ever.

Yea. Not to mention, I have actual obligations to Art Club and PALs. That being baking 3 DOZEN COOKIES (WTF?! D00D, seriously?!), making a PALs poster (all artsy like), and an Art Club poster (using a collage of photos from previous years so that we don't have to remake our sample sheet completely). We won't go into my homework load that I'm not doing voluntarily. Blegh.

6 hours of sleep is so not enough to keep my awake during Pre Cal. Just saying.

On a happier note: me and Tyler may or may not be going to the mall and the movies on Saturday. Just for the heck of it as friends. Because really, he's my replacement Alan. Don't tell him that, though. Because at the same time: he's Tyler, not Alan. There's a big difference. It makes sense in my head. I know what I'm talking about.

Panda out.

Let's Start A Riot

Honestly, I'm pissed. The gall and audacity of some people! Seriously though, this is President of at least 99% of the clubs available at that school, the one 1% he's not President, he's some other officer ranking. So why couldn't he leave this ONE to me? Would that have been so hard, really? I've been waiting for this chance for years, and I've done all the work as a Secretary, while you (and I'm currently directing this at the person I'm so very upset with at the moment), as President, have done NADA! You only came to a handful of meetings and you didn't even do any real work, you just sat there and then left, leaving the rest of us to pick up the slack! And you treated the rest of us, who were doing YOUR job like we weren't any higher up on the food chain than regular members, and thus stupider and unable to make unanimous and group decisions to better the club. Way to go for screwing up democracy--dictatorships maybe easier and less complicated, but they sure as hell aren't fair! If we weren't both seniors this year, mayber this would fly, if I was an underclassmen, I'd understand. But I'm not. So I don't. So this DOES NOT FLY! And like hell will I let this go without a fight. I've kept my cool about your lack of responsibility to this organization since last year-- no more! No one likes you as President, and frankly, neither do I. You're useless and arrogant when it comes to Art Club, and the only reason I've puit uip with this absolute crap is because when you're a normal human being you're tolerable. However, I'm sick of you being teacher's pet and playing politics so that you can just go behind everyone else's back and have whatever brilliant idea you come up with immediately instigated as law. So GTFO my club, ho. Because right, I kinda sorta really hate you and hope you get hit by a bus.

Moving right along here with my list of grievances--
I hate her. So much. And last year, she tended to avoid me. Suddenly, this year, she wants to be besties. And I still don't. Go figure. She's all up in everything I do. She comes to sit by me, she talks to me (and she doesn't stop!), and she asks me for help on her homework and photoshop--and I realize that yes, I'm being petty and stupid and I'm going to hell for all of this. However, I want her to fail. I want her to fall flat on her face and I hope she doesn't get back up.
Again, I realize, I need some serious therapy. This does not change the fact that I want to currently burn my notes and destroy every ounce of photoshop knowledge that I have ever gained. CS2 has served me well. If it means I have to fake a learning disability to CS5, so be it.

So there's this guy, that I may or may not like in my government class. Currently (and realistically), I doubt he even knows my name, much less, wants to know it. That's not the point. The point is that I've telepathically claimed him as mine for the time being. That doesn't really stop him from making a move on someone else--but it should sure as hell stop her from chatting it up with him like they've been besties since forever. I am not her friend. Therefore he is not the friend of a friend, and no, I refuse to allow her to be friends with him, too. Just no. (I realize, I have very little control over this matter, but seriously. Was it necessary? Really?) So yea. Can she not keep herself to one guy? I mean honestly, the one guy out of every single one that I talk with that I may or may not have a crush on is the one that she wants to be friends with. Brilliant. It's a wonder she isn't prego again already. And I'm too much of a coward to try and interrupt conversations that seem so harmless on the outside, where people seem to be okay with the conversation and who its with. So I just sat behind him, and secretly sent telepathic death signals in her direction (not that she noticed, but ahem...I totally did.) and tried not to burst into a bubble of tears. Because that's what I wanted to do.

Also, my super awesome expensive undergarment of the female sort: yea, it broke. Today. The wire went SNAP! and so now, not only is it torn, but now it's broken. Way to go for me, that $75 down the train. This has not been my day.

So yea, now I'm doing pre-cal homework and wanting to sleep and read the rest of Ouran knowing that I may not be able to find it again tomorrow since all the manga translators seem to be shutting down or suddenly caring about licensing. Stupid copyright laws...

Whatever.
This sucks.

Panda out.

Don't Stop Me Now!

Life is being pretty awesome.
I've stopped worrying about things that are stupid, at least for the moment.
My fishie is moonwalkin, because he's a classy villain. (Gotta love Rothbart!)
And everything's just okay, ya know?

However, school will start sooon.
I'm not really looking forward to that. I mean, I miss my friends, ya know?
But I like holing up in my house for two or three months and being able to do whatever. It's nice. But I suppose that nothing awesome lasts forever.
Sent in my application for OC. I'll be starting on the one for the Art Institute next.

And I've totally got a CHALLENGE (not a date) to attend on Laser-X with a super awesome friend of mine that just happens to be male. Psh. It's not a date.
Because if we take the time to define a date, which already all sorts of subjective, it's totally not. He may or may not like me in a more than platonic sense (which is irrelevant anyways) but we are not officially the significant other of the other, and neither of us have claimed that this is a date; THEREFORE, it's NOT. Just saying.

Totally wish I had my license, understanding why is getting to be really tough. Like fer realz. And she still isn't letting me drive. Gah. Whatever

Also, just to add a point of political-ness to this:

This mosque business near Ground Zero--just no. That's like us going and bombing up Mecca and then building a christian church right beside it. So not cool. Can we say obnoxious much? Seriously.

Panda out.

Little Miss Apprehensive

(From Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson)

It's common to understand one's self better than most. Obviously, since you're the one inside your own head.

What happens when even you don't know what to do?

Like, all of the sudden, something that should be completely conspicuous and just right in front of your face isn't here nor there or anywhere, really. Because the only one that could know is yourself. But you don't. So you're screwed. Sorta. I guess.

I hope not. Otherwise, well, then I'm screwed. Pfft.

It's not like I don't know what it should feel like if I did.
Or if I didn't.
Either way.
I've known in times before--
whether or not I like them as more than a platonic relation.
And it's possible I'm blowing things way out of proportion--probable, even.
But that's not really the point.

And the part of my brain that thinks with some semblence of intelligence is telling me to deter this ever progressing flirtfest.
And then the part of my brain that thinks with estrogen is saying to go for it, to hell with the consequences. Let the cards fall as they may and hope it works out for the best. The worst that could happen is that he breaks my heart...which is really all I've got to lose.

I've never really been afraid of this kinda thing. It's always been a touch and go sort a business, playing it by ear as I went. But after two years of being a bitter and scorned witch, I'm not sure I could play the princess in the tower very well.
Or rather, at all.

So yea.
Confused out of my mind.
Trying to figure it all out, and hoping it doesn't come to that at the same time.
Because really, why would he ask me out anyways?
He wouldn't.
I'm jumping bridges that aren't built yet.
Blegh.

Panda out.